Gone « Random Thoughts & Tandem Hearts

Gone

18Sep10

I’ve got a case of insomnia tonight, due in part to the free Monster Nitrous that was given out at the movies. I’m laying here in bed reading through this so called ‘blog’, and I had to just smile and pat myself on the back.

Reading the countless public and private accounts of this so-called relationship with N, I’ve realized yet again that I am indeed done. For YEARS I have tried to fit him into the equation. I don’t recall a time when I was ever put into his.

I found myself missing him the other night, but come morning those feelings dissipated.

Now more than ever, I am realizing how much time I’ve wasted while I was blind to his lies. Those late night calls and promises, they didn’t mean a thing. Still, I can’t say that I regret any of this. It’s taught me to never lose sight of what I deserve. I will no longer waste my time on any one.

Someone that loves you isn’t going to call and tell you sweet words you’ve been needing to hear, then go find a girlfriend a few days later. They’re not going to drift in and out and be there for you when it’s convenient for them. All of those wonderful things he said to me sent me soaring. You know what? They will make me feel a million times better coming from a man who means it.

My brother said it best:

You’re my sister and I love you. You deserve the fucking world. You deserve to be treated like a princess, not left on the back burner. You deserve nothing but the best… don’t settle for anything but that.

He may be younger, but he sure is wise beyond his years.

He’d be proud to know how well I’m dealing with this the past few months. Since getting over N, I’m noticing people that I never thought twice about before. It’s very refreshing.

It’s only a matter of time before he breaks her heart, too. And when he does, I won’t be the fall-back girl any more.

So, tonight I think I’ll go through iPhoto and put every picture of you into a separate folder if I ever feel the need to see your face next to mine again someday. I don’t want that reminder there every day. Every little token of the past is already in a black box in the closet.

Ready, set… let go…